currently known as COMOT

what do my close buddies call me?

mel: puan, la~zelia
mahesh: eelz
sha & the gang: naz (honestly i hate this one)
the rest: just plain ol' elia
my matahari: that's a secret *wink*

i'm not a sexybomb, i'm just ..
+ potentially malignant medical student
+ psychogenically dependant on music
+ loves the sound of the guitar
+ have strong feelings towards everything
+ easily distracted
+ hates rules
+ responsible for own actions
+ hates being envious
+ imaginative
+ good sense of humour
+ likes to be loved (honestly who doesn't?)
+ finds it hard to trust someone
+ easily hurt

Cursed Ogre from the Mysterious Ominous Tower

♥tag in baby♥


+PLACEBO-every you every me
+MUSE-sing for absolution
+MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE-you know what they do to guys like us in prison
+INCUBUS-a certain shade of green
+DASHBOARD CONFESSIONAL-the places you have come to fear the most

♥music to my ears♥

the brilliant green
dashboard confessional
the cure
all saints
alicia keys
fullmetal alchemist OST
gerhana ska cinta

♥my eyecandy♥

one piece
gakuen alice
konjiki no gash bell
school rumble
samurai champloo
yakitate japan
shin chan
desperate housewives
one tree hill


add me here!





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site design/layout 2005© mel

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It was 5 years ago when i first met with this girl during the orientation when i was in my first year. She's kinna cute, chubby and happy go lucky type of girl. I felt easy being with her, tagging with her most of my first few months since i first stepped in India. We're so closed together. I used to sleep in her room almost every night just to kill my homesickness. We were oh-so quite happy .. and thus, it was just part of the memories ..

It all started when she suddenly moved out from the hostel without ever telling me why she had done so. Not even a single word came out from her mouth when i asked her whether i did something wrong that has hurt her feelings. She kept herself away from me. I wasnt invited to any of her party held in her new house. I was hurt, to be honest. Especially when i don't really know wut is going on between us. I moved to a quite comfortable hostel after that, to the room which was quite near from my senior's room. She was there almost everyday with the senior.. i dont care less about her since she completely ignored me. Until one day, when i was sleeping in the room .. my senior knocked on the door asked me to meet her in her room. I was still feeling drowsy when i stepped in my senior's room and saw HER crying. She cried like a baby and she confessed to everyone in the room those mistakes ive ever committed to her. I was shocked and sad when all the accusations were totally absurd and illogical. One of it which i can still remember was, 'I'm known to her mother as a bright girl, whom did well in the exam and the mother compared me with her' ..ok, if i ever tell everyone about this, most will come out with same response ---> 'it's between her and her mother, for God sake. Nothing to do with you.' I'm sorry to say this but if i'm her, i would take it as a challenge and study hard to compete with those i was compared with instead of crying helplessly like a cry baby. I did not just kept my silence. I did call her mum after that, asking whether the mum did said that to her. The mum denied actually, she instead started calling me everyday asking about her daughter's condition. I wanted to completely ignore the mum's call. But i just can't since my mum and her mum were friends. SHE asked for forgiveness for what she had done few weeks later and i was ok with it ..

Although our so-called friendship was totally fine on the next few years, ive put certain limit and be extra careful. We hardly talk eventhough we're in the same group till now. I'm not delusional but one thing i realized about HER is that, she seemed to find fault with me eventhough i have nothing against her. It happened almost every semester, every year. I tried to completely ignore her but whenever i tend to do so, she was the one who showed how much she cared about me. And whenever i'm totally fine with her, whenever i tried to be nice and talk to her, she started to turn back and stepped away. I really, totally, truly, deeply have no idea what was on her mind everytime she did that to me. It's not just me who realized her action, but everyone around me. They think she's 'crazy' but i dont know how can i describe her.

Yesterday, i was complaining about losing my credit when i called the lecturer to make arrangements for classes (since im the current group leader) when i ended knowing he was in London. For God sake, i din't even make an attempt to complain about this in front of her. But she, of all the sudden, started to make a comment right in front of everyone in the group that i'm such a bad group leader. She claimed i lied to all the members since the beginning of the semester, i'm not 'ikhlas' in everything i did and so on .. i knew at that time my patience towards her has ended in an instance when i started to question her about what she did to me all this years .. i asked her what have i done wrong and she responded this way --> 'Awak tanya diri awak sendiri. Dah la buat kerja tak ikhlas, menipu orang pulak tu'. I mean, hellooo ... who is she to question about my 'keikhlasan' in doing my job? 'Ikhlas' is something between me and God.

She was then had intention to talk to me personally. She told everyone that i'm such a liar since my beginning of my friendship with her. As for me, ive made my final decision to become a complete ignorant. I will made her invisible in my life. I'm not ego, i'm not trying to run away from this problem. In fact, i don't find any problem with her at all. She's the one who claimed how i made her life so miserable most of the time. We hardly talk, nor meet each other except for classes, for Godsake. I don't know whether it's me or her who's delusional. And to be honest, like what most of my friend said, im starting to claim that she's 'crazy'. To discuss with her?? i would say no-no ..

For me, ignorance is bliss ..

miss comot @ 7/01/2005 12:49:00 AM


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