++expression of the inexpressible++

moving on

so, i'm here once again ..*although i hate cc that much but i have to*

and the other part of the story continues ...

i met Bomoh no 6 few weeks back. I dun want to but i was forced to meet her. She told me almost the same thing .. well, i dunno whether to believe her or not but what she has told me was like something that someone must have told her about me before.How come she knew everything?Is there any conspiracy between her and my family?Or someone must have told her everything even before i got there.I met her .. She told me that i was under blackmagic again. It was from someone who's known to have Javanese background and these Javanese has strong influence of blackmagic on me .. what she's trying to tell me was that i was under their cast .. cheh .. macam witch plak .. heh

With this Bomoh, she persuaded to have done something which is called 'Mandi Bunga'. I don't believe in 'Mandi Bunga' at all but i just followed whatever my parents wishes me to do.'Mandi Bunga' consisted of seven colours of roses, few limes and 'sabut kelapa'. It was some kinda refreshing feeling for me once i had 'Mandi Bunga' but still it doesn't mean anything. She had all my make-ups and put some kinda 'doa' on it. Reason? Well, she told me it is as 'penyeri' so that anyone who sees me will like me that much. Is it part of 'ubat pengasih' thingy? I dunno .. i'm confused as well ...

After all, i was sick for almost two weeks after i met the Bomoh. I dun blame her since it was just a coincidence. I can't even take food. I've lost few kgs to be exact.No, i'm not mogok .. and hey, dun't pity me cos i almost think that i've got bird flu .. heh ..

Everything went 'quite well' until yesterday morning ...

I woke with quite a happy feelings since i won a free session at Fitness First and i'm going to kl next midnite for that. My mum called me from downstairs and she told that she wanted to talk to me. I went to her,asking why and things went really really wrong for me after that. My parents had thought that i'm going to kl to see him and they asked me if i ever see him again, i dun have to put on any intention to ever come back home again. I was shocked since my only intention to go there is to put up on the prize i've won. I explained to my mum but i've failed to convince her. I was asked to choose between him and my family. I have no other choice but to make a one last call to him.

And so, we broke up.. in the most painful way and i certainly would have the memory of the worst decision i have ever made in my entire life. I heard him cry for the first time on phone. He never cried. Not even once in our entire almost-five-years of relationship but yesterday, i heard him cry. It was too painful for both of us. Both of us have to agree with this decision. He told me he had sembahyang hajat and isthikharah the night before and if this is the decision made for him by Allah, he would just agree.. well, i cried too since it's not that easy to put an end on a relationship .. we had our most beautiful memories ever in last 5 years ..

We both agreed with few things .. first of all, whatever i told here is not to get pity from anyone. It's just part of my experience that i would love to share for everyone to remember that in any relationship, there'll not always be a 'happily ever after' endings .. and i'm part of the victim ..

We both agree to lead our own life after this. We both willing to meet and accept other person into our life. We both gonna be good friends. He'll called me up if he has any difficulties that he needs to share with someone and i'll do the same. We both will try to love somebody else and see whether we could accept him/her as our life partner. We'll have spaces for ourselves and move on. I made him promise to further his study and pursue with his dream and he made me promise to let him know if i ever have a new guy in my life so that he could tell the guy to open the car door for me, open the door and let me out of any building first before him, pull the chair out and let me sit on it if we ever out for dinner, cook me dinner if i am too busy to do that and put on surprises on any of special occasion since i love surprises so much, call or at least sms me before i go to sleep ... i just can't imagine how much this guy had 'manjakan' me all these years. I used to tell my friend that if i ever to find another guy, it'll be hard for me to find a guy like him. Bunyi macam poyo je kan? But it's reality ...

To be exact, we ended our relationship in the most polite ways although until now i am still sad with what happened to both of us. Should i be regret with this decision?

Orang cakap, semua yang terjadi ada hikmah nya ... i just hope so ...

To YOU, for all the things that happened between us .. u have to know that u still have part of me with you ..

I'm gonna try my best to move on ...

p/s: life is like a drama .. don't you guys thinks so?

miss comot @ 3/27/2006 01:53:00 PM

[[ 2005(c) E L I O @ misery is a butterfly ]]